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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25234963">Why Are You Being Such A Dick?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cdelbridge/pseuds/cdelbridge'>cdelbridge</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>johnlock - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:22:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>880</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25234963</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cdelbridge/pseuds/cdelbridge</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock is annoying everyone.  I’m writing this after being influenced by Nita Elwy’s wonderful art!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Johnlock</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“John! WTF is wrong with your asshole husband?  He’s being even more of a douche than usual!”</p><p>“Hey Greg, do I want to know what he’s done?  I’m sorry I couldn’t come with him for today’s case but I’m stuck at the surgery.”</p><p>“He solved the case in five minutes, which was impressive.  He then told Donovan that she’d be happier if she found a man who wasn’t married (I agree) or at least one who knew how to give oral.  He then proceeded to tell her he knew just what to get her for her birthday (a vibrator with a years supply of batteries) and she’d be much happier after a good orgasm.”</p><p>“Oh dear god....”</p><p>“She started to cry, punched Anderson, said you couldn’t find my g-spot with a roadmap and walked out.  Anderson started yelling that there was nothing wrong with his technique and then turned to Sherlock, telling him that he’d at least seen women naked.  It went downhill from there.”</p><p>“I’ll talk to him when I get home and I’m sorry Greg!”</p><p>“Take him on vacation or something!  He even made the criminal cry!  He needs a break!  No, I need a fucking break!”</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>“John, if your idiotic spouse doesn’t knock it off, I’m going to put hot sauce in his lube!”</p><p>“Hi Mrs. Hudson.  What’s he done?”</p><p>“Normally I wouldn’t complain via text but he’s making me crazy!  He’s wandering around, complaining about everything including the soap I used on the entryway floor.  And I know about the holes in the wallpaper you tried to fix.  Maybe I need a vacation?  No, you two need a vacation!”</p><p>”I’ll keep that in mind.  Let me know which lube you desecrate though so I can avoid it please!”

</p><p>~~~~~~~~~</p><p>Our good doctor was on his way home when his mobile beeped.  Mycroft.</p><p>“Can’t talk right now John but you need to do something about my brother!  He’s interfering with my sex life!  Greg is so tense, he can’t relax enough to have sex.  My eyes are crossing!  My parents have a little house on one of the Greek islands.  Take my brother there before I throttle him.  I’ve made all the arrangements, just go!  Please.”</p><p>~~~~~~~~</p><p>Sherlock wasn’t home when John arrived but he’d messaged to say he was on his way with curry.  Mycroft had sent pictures of the house with its own private beach and assorted other amenities as well as their flight number.  John began to pack as he waited for his spouse.  Hopefully Sherlock wouldn’t give him a hard time or so help him, he’d knock the arsehole out, throw him in the cab and he’d wake up in Greece, naked and tied to a lounge chair.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Why Am I Naked And Tied To A Chair?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The boys arrive.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sherlock Holmes blearily dragged his eyes open.  The sun was too bright so he closed them again.  The air smelled different as well.  Where the hell...?  Oh, right, John had threatened to knock him out then throw his arse in a cab if he gave him a hard time about going on vacation. Evidently he hadn’t been kidding.</p><p>“John?”</p><p>No answer.</p><p>“John!” A little louder.</p><p>“John Watson-Holmes!”</p><p>Footsteps and then, “so, you’re awake.”</p><p>“You don’t have to sound so damn cheery!  And why am I naked?” The detective tried to sit up but found his wrists and ankles were tied to whatever he was laying on.  “Oh, this is part of the threat, isn’t it?”</p><p>John sat down on the lounger next to his husband.  “You were being such an arrogant dick that your brother arranged transportation to your parent’s house in Greece for us.  Evidently, people in London are ready to throttle you.”  He checked the ropes, “several people.”</p><p>Sherlock turned his head to glare at his husband.  “And why am I naked and tied to a lounge chair?”</p><p>“For my entertainment.”</p><p>Parts of Sherlock perked up.  “Oh really?”  He smirked at his spouse and said, “I’m not sure this isn’t a form of assault.”</p><p>”It probably is but considering that people in London want to beat the crap out of you, including members of the British government and NSY, I’m not particularly worried.”</p><p>”So, what are your intentions?”  The detective asked casually, trying to sound nonchalant (while being tied to a lounge chair naked with an erection leaking pre-come).</p><p>John stood up and casually walked to the foot of Sherlock’s chaise.  “Well, first I thought I’d remove some clothes.”  He lifted his shirt and pulled it over his head.  “Then I thought I’d maybe lick your cock for awhile.”  He unbuttoned his shorts and kicked them off.  He wasn’t wearing pants.  “Then, because I’m not untying you, yet, I thought I’d sit on your face and let your wonderful tongue have at it.”  Sherlock had really begun to leak by this point. “Then, although I’d really like to come on your face, I’m going to impale myself on your cock and ride you hard.”  Sliding down his spouse’s beautiful body, he positioned himself between Sherlock’s legs and said, “Questions? Comments?”  Before he could open his mouth to reply, John leaned over and licked his husband’s cock head, then took it into his mouth to suckle.  Pulling off, briefly, he said, “Didn’t think so.  And,” he paused and grinned, “maybe I’ll let you come as well.”</p>
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